no one counts the days anymore

february 4th, 2021

k: are you making the kiddos dinner soon?

s: yeah I guess i’ll cook them for dinner now.

Day 92 million

july 19, 2020

k: I’m pant-less, you just sprayed champagne all over yourself…this kitchen is turning into the set of a p diddy video.

Day 80

june 3, 2020

k: I am not going to be quiet anymore.

s: aw, that’s cute, when have you ever been quiet?

Day 74

May 27, 2020

k: there’s basically a forest in the kitchen.

s: this whole house is a forest! there are five plants behind me right now.

k: what would you do if all five came alive at once?

s: {blank stare}

k: don’t worry, that would never happen….

….they’d never sneak up on you all at once, they’d do it separately.

Day 73

May 26, 2020

k: you need to hone in on the soprano, and less like a troll under the bridge.

Day 72

May 25, 2020

k: meeting men in this town is like finding a landscaper…

s: impossible?

Day 69

May 22, 2020

s: I really like this picture because it’s like, four different pictures. in one picture.

k: you mean…a collage?

Day 68

May 21, 2020

k: look, just look at my face!

s: we are on day five-thousand millions…I look at your freakin’ face every single day, kel!

Day 67

May 20, 2020

k: I mean, they only had like two channels back then!!!

s: kel they had zero channels back then. the television hadn’t even been invented.

Day 66

May 19, 2020

s: awww, cute. they’re going on a date.

k: date? date. what’s a date? I have no idea what that word even means anymore.

Day 65

May 18, 2020

t: I accidentally cracked it with my foot. {referring to a toy he stepped on}

k: that’s ok bud, i’ve accidentally cracked a lot of things with my foot.

s: what, exactly, have you cracked with your foot, k?

Day 62

May 15, 2020

k: I can trim your hair if you want, I have a good pair of hair cutter sitters.

s: wanna try that sentence again?

Day 61

May 14, 2020

k: {hollering after oakley as he hops down the deck stairs} nugman, where do you think you’re going!? you’re not one of my boyfriends - you can’t just run away!!

Day 60

May 13, 2020

t: {while eating rin’s meatballs and sauce} you know, I really like food from restaurants.

k: awww. my mom made this, buddy! it’s my favorite. if I only had one meal left to eat I would choose this.

t: me too. plus vegetables.

Day 59

May 12, 2020

k: {during virtual workout} Oh I am fired up!!!…….vroom vroom.

Day 58

May 11, 2020

s: {after watching “a star is born”} wow - I haven’t cried like that in a while.

k: ughhh I know, i’m sorry.

s: no, don’t be! I liked it.

Day 55

May 8, 2020

k: {after an at-home hair experiment} I look like one of joe exotic’s……exotics.

s: rawr.

Day 54

May 7, 2020

k: i’ll show you your grey’s if you show me mine!!!

Day 53

May 6, 2020

k: wait, what was the name of that wine?

s: {whispering creepily} whispering angel…

k: that voice was the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

s: yeah i’m really not proud of that.

Day 52

May 5, 2020

{doorbell rings unexpectedly}

k: who is at the door??

s: it’s tequila!!!

Day 51

May 4, 2020

k: thanks so much for making dinner, it was tasty.

s: you make good food all the time! I wanted to…

k: …return the flavor?! #dadjokes

Day 48

May 1, 2020

s: {watching netflix} I can’t stand how she rides her bike everywhere! You tryina show off, bitch!?

k: ……

s: quote me on that.

Day 47

april 30, 2020

{t screaming downstairs at a video game}

k: hey, screamy-man!

t: what!?!??! {screams}

k: be less screamy, man.

Day 46

april 29, 2020

trainer: make sure you dorsiflex that foot!

s: but it hurts when I dork-siflex…

k: …wuttttt?

Day 45

april 28, 2020

k: {watching outlander with s} i’d much rather be sitting in a stable in 18th century scotland eating bread and cheese.

Day 44

april 27, 2020

k: {watching 50 first dates with s} you know you’re affection deprived when making out with adam sandler doesn’t look so bad.

Day 41

april 24, 2020

anonymous: omg my underarm hair is so long it’s poking through the fibers in my shirt.

Day 40

april 23, 2020

K: I look like a human hamster.

S: I don’t know what a human hamster looks like…

K: {points to face} you do now!!

Day 39

april 22, 2020

K: {warming up with the double heisman} wave to your friends at the barrrr!

S: what friends?

K: what bar?

Day 38

april 21, 2020

s: {lies down on yoga mat} this is my silent protest against burpees. how does it look?

k: …a whole lot better than your burpees.

Day 37

april 20, 2020

k: I took a nap!

s: I broke the 4th wine glass of quarantine!

Day 34

april 17, 2020

h: I like water the most!

t: i like milk the most!

k: I like wine the most!!!

Day 33

april 16, 2020

[watching the phantom of the opera]

s: I want a raoul in my life.

k: I want a phantom!

s: so you want a mysterious dungeon dweller?

k:…you had me at dungeon.

Day 32

april 15, 2020

s [at 5pm]: kel, your sweater is on inside out.

k: {casually looks down at sweater} oh, yeah…I just like it this way…

Day 31

april 14, 2020

k: hey just a heads up, taking a break from facebook for a bit. going to try and mitigate some of the media onslaught.

s: I just took a facebook quiz that told me my soulmate is michael scott!!! maybe I should take a break from facebook, too…

Day 30

april 13, 2020

s: do i need to wear a bra?

k: i’ve answered that question a million times! do what makes you feel comfortable.

s: ok i’m wearing one, i’m not comfortable otherwise. {puts bra on her head}

k: that is 100% not what I meant.

Day 28

april 11, 2020

nothing says easter weekend quite like a jedi. happy holidays, nomads! be back on monday.

Day 27

april 10, 2020

s: {long rant} …do you know what i’m saying?!?

k: yes!! {pause} yeah….somewhat. mostly.

Day 26

april 9, 2020

k: {struggling to open a bottle of wine with a corkscrew} steph…I need some serious help over here…{the struggle ensues}

s: {looks at k suspiciously, takes bottle of wine, twists the cap with ease} kel, it’s a twist off.

k: …..yep.

Day 25

april 8, 2020

S: {struggles to take off bra}

k: see friend, you’ll never have to struggle to remove a bra if you don’t wear one to begin with.

Day 24

april 7, 2020

S: omg, yesterday was cinco de mayo!

k: {straight face}

s: oh wait, no it wasn’t. it’s april. yesterday was april 5th.

k: ok, you’re getting closer, yesterday was april 6th.

s: oh man, you’re right. I must have gotten a bit mixed up because we did taco tuesday.

k: yesterday was also not a tuesday…

Day 23

april 6, 2020

k: steph…it’s only 6:00pm!?

s: yeah, everything all good?

k: It just feels like we’ve been alive for a long time…

Day 22

april 5, 2020

k: I shaved my legs today!!!

s: wow. big day.