This time last year, I was avoiding all things holiday related. My mind and body still in shock, it didn’t take much to tune out the songs, the décor, and the seemingly artificial hype that would permeate until the midnight bells tolled on New Year’s.
I remember one night a week or so before Christmas, needing to get out of the house, Jess and I ventured out to dinner. We drove down to a spot we both really liked; tasty noms, casual, a bit out of our neighborhood so unlikely to run into anyone we knew. And most importantly, not likely to be all decked out for the season.
I’m sure you can deduce where this is heading…
We walked into what looked like Santa’s favorite watering hole. Every surface was wrapped – literally – and the indoor light display surely rivaled the Griswold’s. Animatronic elves had me careening towards the uncanny valley and there was no escaping the vocal stylings of Mariah Carey on repeat.
Thinking back on that night now I have to laugh. I was so wildly uncomfortable, attempting to mask my distaste for all things merry and bright while sitting at a table that was quite literally wrapped up like a gigantic present. Did I mention the twinkling Rudolph suspended from the ceiling and prancing above my head?
I began this holiday season with similar thoughts on avoidance. It would just be easier to not put stock into it all and just get “through” it.
I quickly realized not only would that not work, but it wouldn’t be healthy. The shock is gone, and as such I feel everything again. There’s no more wafting through the days as if an apparition, no more internal pleas for the universe to swallow me whole.
Besides, if I was able to get through that spirited dinner last year, I can do anything. We can do anything. Because the truth is everybody has lost somebody, and if there’s ever a time to be understanding of that, it’s the holidays.