“Do you have a resolution this year?”
“You know I don’t do resolutions…”
“I knowwww. Do you wanna hear mine?! I’m going to tell you either way…ok…
…mine is more…
…Us.”
The sincerity in your voice matched the intensity of your animated, green eyes, as if you were entrusting me with a secret from your childhood. My heart melted with your simple admission.
I don’t remember what I said in response. Probably something sassy, which would have led to silliness and kisses and cuddles. That sounds a lot like Us.
What I do remember is taking every opportunity we had to spend quality time with one another. Always. As sweet as your resolution was, we didn’t need it, which for whatever reason made it all the more endearing.
New Year’s resolutions are still not my jam (no judgment on those who make them, whether or not you adhere), but I have taken a lot of time to reflect on this last year. I’ve done my best to be open and honest about not only pushing through trauma and taking steps to heal with grief, but also about the inevitable emotional evolution that has resulted.
None of these learnings are necessarily new, nor are they novel ideas. They are exceedingly simple and perhaps as such, all the more difficult to practice…
No response is a response
Of course folks get busy with careers, families, homes, etc. and there is a normal ebb and flow to long-standing relationships. That’s not what I’m referring to. If you are the one constantly reaching out, physically or emotionally, and are ignored or brushed off, it’s time to reevaluate said relationship.
Time is the most valuable gift one can give.
It is quite literally priceless.
Be cognizant of the emotional bandwidth of others.
It’s really easy to verbally unload on those we are close to. I know I’ve done it a bajillion times; from emotional cry sessions to angry outbursts to lovingly re-telling stories. One thing I have very consciously strived for is ensuring the other party in said conversation has the emotional availability to engage. Being aware of the toll our emotions can have on those around us is not only useful for our own growth, it makes for a really great friend/partner/family member/etc.
We can both thrive and struggle at the same time.
This has singularly been the most rewarding self-work realization I’ve had. The feelings will happen concurrently whether we want them to or not. Subsequently, we choose whether or not to sit in them, even if uncomfortable, or stifle them. I chose the former and as such, learned to start letting go of that “one or the other” tug-of-war mentality.
So. Much like your unnecessary, sweet admission at the beginning of 2018, resolving to practice the above feels redundant. But…I’ll do it anyway.
Because that, too, feels like Us.
walking right into 2020.